If you polled most unmarried women who were planning to get married in the next 5 years, they would tell you that they are going to love their husband always and forever, with rainbows and fairy dust sprinkled all over their enchanted lives.
But I’m here to tell men a little secret that no one ever tells you before you marry the woman of your dreams, and I REALLY wish someone had told me…
Almost all women you meet will tell you that they love more deeply than men, and maybe that’s true. But they’re not going to love YOU, their husband, as deeply as they love others. If you don’t believe me and you get married with this idealistic fantasy about how deeply your wife is going to love and cherish you, you’re in for a rude awakening. It pains me to say this, but you’re going to find out the hard way, just like most men do soon after the luster of wedded bliss wears off.
Here’s why…are you ready, grooms to be? WOMEN WILL ALWAYS LOVE BLOOD RELATIVES MORE THAN THEY LOVE YOU. There, I said it, and I’m going to prove it to you, and explain the bleak future you’re in for if you think your wife is going to love you the same way you love her…
Women love their families much more than you do. Just take a good, hard look at how much they love their parents, and their siblings, and every other BLOOD relative that they have. Men don’t love their parents as much as women do. That’s not an opinion, that’s a fact for most of the women you will meet. I know there will be exceptions, but they are one-offs, very rare. You know it’s true. Even if a woman is abused by her father as a young girl and professes a deep hatred for him, she will never be able to give you her heart in the same way that she gives her heart to the lost love she feels for her father. She might call him Satan and rant about how much she hates him, but deep down she will never get over the longing for a father who disappointed her as a child. And you will NEVER fill that void.
The Bible says that when a man gets married, he leaves his parents and UNITES with his wife and that the two will become ONE. Read this very carefully and let it sink in. That’s a very powerful statement about how a man should love his wife. Men truly believe that they are going to become ONE with their wives. I’m here to tell you that this almost never happens, and that your wife-to-be will never leave her parents with the intent of becoming ONE with you.
Instead, a woman is simply going to want you to be an ADDITION to the family she already has loved since birth. You will not become ONE with her, starting a new family unit, independent from her family. Instead, you’re going to be an add-on, an accessory to her family. Please read that over and over again very carefully before you get married.
When I got married, the first decision we had to make was where to buy a home. The realtor started looking for suitable neighborhoods and my wife made it clear to him that we had to live in the same town as her parents. I didn’t think anything of this, because I was new to the state and I figured she was just comfortable living in that area because it was safe and affluent. We ended up moving less than a mile from her parents. No big deal, I thought.
Then it came time for our first vacation together, and she announced that we had to go to the same vacation spot that her and her parents had always gone to in the south. They drove down every year and rented a house for the week on an island. I’ll never forget when she told me that her parents had to accompany us on vacation because, “it might be their last vacation.” They were both in their 60’s and retired. Well they continued to go on our family vacation every year for our 20 year marriage. Never once was I able to convince her to go on a vacation alone, just the two of us, because “it might be their last vacation.” Don’t get me wrong, I loved her parents. They provided unparalleled daycare for my two children and raised them better than I would have. But once in a while, I would’ve loved to get away and escape with my wife on a vacation to rekindle our marriage in a way that you can only do when you’re alone.
Now here’s the Coup de grace for all you men out there planning your marriage. It’s bad enough that your wife will love her immediate family more than you, she will love the children you give her more than anything on this earth. She’ll do this because they are her BLOOD, and you will never be. You’ll never be able to compete with the children that she has with you. I find this ironic because it’s just like killing the goose that laid the golden egg. You will create children with your wife, who will in turn, replace you on the totem poll of her love. If a train is coming, and your wife can save only three out of four people — you, your child, her mother, or her father, get ready to say your prayers because you’re going to meet your Maker.
After years of marriage, when I finally realized this fact, that I was the expendable add-on in our relationship, I finally knew that I would never become ONE with my wife, which was my sole desire when I got married. I wanted my wife and I to be inseparable, unbreakable and always have each other’s back. Sadly, this would never be.
Most men who get divorced go out and seek this kind of singular bond with another woman, but the result will be the same. Men sometimes get married over and over again, seeking the oneness that they will never achieve. When you date a divorced woman with children, forget about even being remotely close to important in her life, because it gets even worse for men. Just look at your Tinder feed if you’re older. Women will take pictures with their parents and their grown children, and their profiles will be strewn with how their children are the most important part of their lives. They’re not being sentimental, they really mean it.
I unfortunately dated two women who had children with severe drug problems, and no matter how disturbing their children behaved towards me, those women would ALWAYS take sides with their own drug-riddled darlings.
I once dated a woman who was extremely special to me, a one of a kind relationship. Her own daughter blackmailed her by denying her access to her grandson if she continued to see me. I never even met the daughter, so there was no explanation for this except to conclude the daughter was a deranged control freak. Obviously this wonderful relationship imploded because a mother would quietly rather accept blackmail from a maniacal daughter rather than stick up for the innocent “love of her life”, as she often referred to me. She defended her insane offspring by saying that her daughter was only “protecting her”. Wow. Conversely, if my daughter was blackmailing me through my grandchildren, I would rightly read her the riot act and tell her to stuff it. And eventually she would see the wisdom of this and realize her infantile behavior and heinous actions were only hurting her children and the entire family.
I’ve often pondered why relationships end up this way. It’s wrong and it doesn’t do marriages any good if both partners aren’t committed to putting each other first and foremost no matter what the circumstances. But it isn’t this way with women, and I guess the mystery will continue. Marriages will continue to fail and the love you once felt for each other in the beginning will be choked off by a parade of people outside the two of you. Very sad indeed.
Now it’s fine if you can accept this kind of marital existence, by all means, go out and tie the not. But if you’re going into marriage expecting the same level of love and commitment from your betrothed, forget it and run from the altar like a bear is chasing you. Women will always place you last on their spectrum of love, and it’s a disheartening place to be if you are a groom who thinks it will be you and your wife against the world. This is fantasy.
So if you’re contemplating marriage to that special woman, think long and hard about what I’ve outlined here. Maybe, just maybe, if you happen to be the one guy in a billion who’s marrying an orphan with no immediate family whatsoever, you might just find the love and unity that men desire.
But if you’re like everybody else, get ready for a lifetime of disappointment, and always being the last one at the bread line. You can’t spend your life starving.